Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
