Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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