Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
