Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fill condoms, not promises.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
