hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
