already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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