You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
