I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
