I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
