I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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