she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
