GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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