Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
