it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Soap is not a condiment
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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