you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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