hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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