if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
