I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
