This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
