you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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