My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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