Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
