I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
