Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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