Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
