The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
