I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
