he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
