So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
