Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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