Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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