Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
