The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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