Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
