I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
