By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
