his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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