Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
