They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
third nipple confirmed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
