Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
