Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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