His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
