sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
