"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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