Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
