I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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