How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
