If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
