he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
