Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
