Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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