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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
