i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
