Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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